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A poem for Monday, November 30th

It is rainey, so I complaney.
I wish I was in Spainey, or even doing the Mocaraney.
Or even better, fucking Jamey.

Tell me you want me!

Because I can...

1. Tell you why I friended you.
2. Associate you with something fandom, a song, a colour, a photo, a sexual position, etc. (Or, not)
3. Tell you something I like about you.
4. Tell you a memory I have of you.
5. Associate you with a character/pairing.
6. Ask something I've always wanted to know about you.
7. Tell you my favorite user pic of yours.
8. In return, you must post this in your LJ.

I will get around to doing all of these...I am just tired and it is late.

Goodbyeeeee !

I rarely read livejournal anymore. It's not that I don't care, it's just that I don't have time. So, in effect, I've decided to bid goodbye to this world. I'll still check sometimes so don't delete me if you don't want to.

My SN is chasingthemusic. I'd be happy to talk to each and every one of you. So goodbye, it's been an era.

What the world needs now...

in a row and a double post? WHAT IS GOING ON WITH THE WORLD?

This.
http://wishroll.com/valentinr/frostyy
send me a valentine?

So let's stop here

Yesterday I had one of those days that come once in a blue moon when the mind, boggled down by happenings and traumas goes on complete overload and becomes restless to the point of insanity. It happened while I was on my laptop. I had just given up on hw for the 3rd time that day and was suddenly overcome with the realization that the family room (where my computer lives) was being eaten by crap. So I cleaned it. 4 hours, but I did it. And somehwere in the middle of that I decided to have a party, without first consulting my parents. I got a party and $50 out of it, so clearly I think I won.

Only one truly signifigant person was missing...but I don't like to count that because things probably would have been worse if they were here. Before the first guest arrived I was struck with a realization that crippled me throughout the entire night: I'm not free like I thought I was. I found that out when I cried because they couldn't come...it wasn't exactly tears and it wasn't just because of that, but it was a wake up call.

And last night it was different. Good different and honest different, but different; I'm tired of different. Things have been different for so long that they're starting to become normal, but the wrong kind of normal. And I guess I don't know what I want, but I know it's not this.

So happy February to you friends list - I hope the snow finds you and cancels your schools.

OH and for the amusement of you all - my glasses broke so I am currently sporting the pink tape holding the two pieces together look, a la harry potter. clearly, I own you all.

Exam Fluff

The way I see it, an exam is nothing but a test of a student's ability to cram a bunch of information into their head more or less the day before the exam takes place. In theory we're supposed to study for each exam over a long period of time so that when the night before the exam takes place we can spend part of the night preparing for the next one. However, this theory does not have a place in reality, at least not my reality.

It's times like these where I wish I was so smart that I didn't have to crack a book and could get an A right off the bat. But that's not me. So exams are shit. And they also force me to adopt very bad habbits like not taking frequent showers, neglecting my face and zoning off into space thinking about dirty things.

Thank God this weekend I'll have 4 days of no homework to completely slack off and do all the things I've been longing to do all week long. So to all of you also suffering through exam week, the best of luck to you all-worst comes to worse, there's always a life of prostitution.

Musing...

Does anybody ever wish we could go back to middle school? When everything was clear and life made sense? Oh, and when exams only counted for like 5% of your grade?

Looking back, although I know middle school sucked I miss the simplicity of it. Things hadn't gotten complicated or messed up and although I love my life now, but I'll always long for the long-forgotten times before I had lost a best friend, had my first kiss, broken a law or become so innapropriate and jaded. Despite what the law says, none of us are children anymore and as much as I am longing for the day when the law will recognize that, I wish I could be a child again.

Maybe it's just that I don't want to study for exams or maybe it's just because I'm watching Sabrina the Teenage Witch...but either way, no matter how hard I try to think my way out I'm still who I am and that means I have to study for exams which means I need to end my ramblings. Happy Saturday to all and to all, have some fun!

Opening Night Sadness...

Yesterday as I made my way through school my mind wrapped around the idea that come 7:30 I would be given the opportunity to show 64 people what I've been doing with my life for two weeks, and I was so excited. During history I made a playlist of songs that reminded me of the show, as soon as I got home I washed my hair and when that was done I planned the perfect opening night outfit, a dress of the black and white persuasian. Stepping onto campas I could hardly believe that the moment we had all been waiting for had finally arrived. I slowly pre-set my costumes, checked my props, helped myself to some water and tried to stay away from the pre-show fights, drama and sickness. I amused myself by looking at the show photos, one of which consisted of me and my friend (aka the boy I love in the show) making out. SWEET! ...oye

As people professed their nervousness I told them to fuck it. I told them that this show was ours and it didn't matter what the audience thought and that we should just do the show like we always did. But I was nervous too. I've never had such a large responsibility onstage and it honestly freaks me out sometimes. But with hugs and kisses of encouragement I prepared to make my entrance devoid of the shakes.

My voice wavered as I sang my song, but I knew that once that was done so my nerves flew out the window as well. Even kissing a boy with people two steps away from you did not phase me and I reveled in it all. Sure there were mistakes but mostly we hit it out of the park. But then an emotional scene came and by it went without me dropping a tear. Backstage I beat myself up for it, when really it looked fine to the audience and I still made people cry. For the rest of the show I beat myself up for not being perfect...and at the end I cried because I felt like I had wasted one of my last chances to do the show. I felt like I had let myself, the cast, Susong, and the show down. Making my way to the swarms of people outside the door my depresion only deepended with each new compliment I got. My friends told me to stop it, but everybody in the show felt the same way as I did.

I got in the car and cried. I went home and got angry. I started to study for my spanish exam and realized that I was overdoing it. The show wasn't a disaster and neither was my performance. Everything was still effective, touching and good - just not as good as it could have been. So I made a promise to myself to raise the stakes tonight. To fall in love, be totally comitted and just let things go from there. We close tonight and I can't believe it. This show has meant so much to me and no way can I give it a send off without tears. So here's to us, and here's to you - may you never let the man get you down.

'07!

HAPPY NEW YEAR LIVEJOURNAL!

While I may now know exactly how I feel going into this new year or exactly how I stood leaving '06, I am sure that '07 is gonna be the year to dominate! I hope everybody was safe that night and still managed to have a kick ass time!

My new years eve was interesting. I woke up late, got dressed and my mother told me that my breasts were hanging out and I couldn't leave the house. So I went shopping for slutty clothing, but ran out of time and went to go see The History Boys which was very good, although I'm sure the film does no justice to seeing it live. Then I went home, felt sick / crashed and then woke up promptly at 8 so I could start to get ready for a party.

The party was good. Although at the inception of the fiesta the walls were painted with awkwardness, it got better as the night went on. But the most important fact is that I got to spend New Years with all of my closest friends...I mean, each and every one of them was there. And it felt good to be able to see them all there. Oh, and of course there were the jam sessions, the raves, the paparazzi, the sparklers and the fire alarm going off about 3 seconds after New Years, but hey - what happens at the party, stays at the party.

However, apparently the real party happened at my house...while I was asleep. So last night my friend woke me up with a text message at 1am, so of course I promptly cursed his name, silenced my phone, and went back to bed. In retrospect, I either should have turned it off or kept it on vibrate because two of my friends (whose names I know, but the driver remains a mystery) drove up to my house at 4am, tapped on my parents window, shouted my name, and totally freaked out my parents. It was dark and I don't think they recognized anybody, but yeah...I personally think it's funny and wish that I would have still been awake, or at least woken up.

So here's to a year of friendship, fulfillment, love, lust, no fears, success, and most importantly good times.

Tags:

My musings

Yes, it is true. I dream-cut my hair. And it was short too. Damn did it ever suck to wake up with the same long hair.

Please, winter break, come quickly.

Oh, and the quote of the day
"You know, it's almost summer"
--natty boh