Heiress to the Useless Words Mafia (peaceofaith) wrote,
Heiress to the Useless Words Mafia

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So let's stop here

Yesterday I had one of those days that come once in a blue moon when the mind, boggled down by happenings and traumas goes on complete overload and becomes restless to the point of insanity. It happened while I was on my laptop. I had just given up on hw for the 3rd time that day and was suddenly overcome with the realization that the family room (where my computer lives) was being eaten by crap. So I cleaned it. 4 hours, but I did it. And somehwere in the middle of that I decided to have a party, without first consulting my parents. I got a party and $50 out of it, so clearly I think I won.

Only one truly signifigant person was missing...but I don't like to count that because things probably would have been worse if they were here. Before the first guest arrived I was struck with a realization that crippled me throughout the entire night: I'm not free like I thought I was. I found that out when I cried because they couldn't come...it wasn't exactly tears and it wasn't just because of that, but it was a wake up call.

And last night it was different. Good different and honest different, but different; I'm tired of different. Things have been different for so long that they're starting to become normal, but the wrong kind of normal. And I guess I don't know what I want, but I know it's not this.

So happy February to you friends list - I hope the snow finds you and cancels your schools.

OH and for the amusement of you all - my glasses broke so I am currently sporting the pink tape holding the two pieces together look, a la harry potter. clearly, I own you all.

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